Countless times, when I am in anguish or when I feel stressed or depressed, I cry out to God this plea: “Where are you God?! If you are real, if you are actually out there, don’t you care for me? Where are you and why is this happening to me?”
Many nights, I have battles inside of my head. The devil on one side wants me to give up. He wants me to quit. And on the other side, I feel as if God is telling me to not give up and to keep pressing on because He has a plan for me. I am going to be honest, the devil sometimes gets the best of me. The devil sometimes wins and I end up asking with doubt, “God, you coward, where are you?”
What a foolish statement.
I have shed many tears in my night battles. Many. Too many for me to even remember what I was crying about sometimes. And it just occurred to me today that these tears are so vital to the growth of my faith. In Psalm 42:3, it reads
“My tears have been my food day and night, While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
I constantly try to seek out God. And sometimes, while seeking Him out, my tears have become as food for my soul. My tears constantly drive me to seek Him out even more. They are a sign that my soul still exists and that I have emotions, and I truly believe that emotions are proof of a living God. In Psalm 42:5, the psalmist asks his own soul why he is down and depressed. Then, he tells himself to hope in God. When I am crying and depressed, it is because I have forgotten that He is my hope.
This is what I need to remember. God is the source of comfort and hope. In Isaiah 25:8, it reads
“He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces, and He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; for the Lord has spoken.”
God is the greatest comforter ever to exist. Sometimes, people turn to carnal objects for comfort, but focusing on God and always trying to remember Him can cause my inward despair to go away. God is always there and that is something that we all need to remember. If your crying and depression is keeping you awake at night, remember that your tears are just a reminder that you are still seeking a living God.